It’s been a long while since I posted to my website. I’ve been busy, and not, and list all the excuses here. The truth is, sometimes I just don’t want to share what’s on my mind.
The last 18 months have been an interesting journey as I take a proactive approach to managing my Depression. There are so many pieces to the puzzle and it takes work to stay on top of it all. Then there’s the tasks and events of real life in addition.
I’ve been doing well and feeling more like myself. There is anxiety about relapse and every feeling of fatigue or sadness feels like I’m beginning the downward spiral. I have recently learned that these physical feelings are just sensations that my body feels. I put labels and emotion on them. Being tired is not depression. Feeling overwhelmed is only my body telling me to slow down and think about what needs to be done. It’s so interesting that taking a breath and not allowing my body to go to the heart fluttery nauseous tummy place keeps me in check. The habits, labels, and expectations I’ve put on these anxious feelings has been a big part of the problem all along. I try to be mindful of how my body is feeling.
Other things that have improved for me are not being so selfish in thinking a harsh tone from someone means I’ve done something wrong or disappointed them. This is especially true in my home. Anyone can feel strong emotions and it may not have anything to do with me or the current situation.
I wish I could say that I was able to just change my attitude, but it has taken medication, therapy, exercise, and time for myself to get to where I am. As with anything in life I must enjoy the journey and not long for a finish line. Being content and satisfied happens in the present.
