I am not big on hugs and loud hellos and goodbyes with my kids. I’m often desperate to hand them off to someone else and get a break. Sometimes the child-free time feels too short and I’m not ready to get back to parenting when I pick them up. I see other parents act so excited to see their kids when they pick them up from school that I have wondered if there’s something wrong with me.
I know that we all parent differently and this is just how I am right now. I definitely say “I love you” and give them hugs and kisses, but it’s not overly enthusiastic. I know my girls know that I love them because I show it in many different ways. Like cutting their sandwiches into hearts or stars. Just packing them school lunch counts, especially when I’ve gotten up at 6:15am to do it!
Making sure they are fed, dressed, bathed, safe, and get enough sleep are all ways parents show love. If I didn’t care, I’d ignore them and let them fend for themselves. This also contributes to my constant feeling of burnout, but I know it won’t be like this forever. The way I show love will grow and change as they do.
I’ve written this post to remind me that I do love my girls even when I don’t like them sometimes. My hope is that when they’re older and reflect back on their childhood they will have a warm fuzzy feeling and the confident knowledge that their dad and I are proud of them and love them unconditionally. Even when we yell, slam doors, and say things we regret.
When I think of the daily things I do as a parent, I think it’s all just a big “I love you” note! I wipe their nose and butt, cook them foods they like, buy them cute clothes, walk to school twice a day, read the same book over and over, and over. I come running when they shout for help, even when I’m pretty sure it’s just because they want me to get them a snack while they sit comfortably on the couch and watch TV. I carry my 2.5 year old in the backpack carrier for hours because she just wants to be held. I make sure there are always snacks and an extra pair of undies and pants with us wherever we go. I say “I love it!” whenever one of the girls shows me a picture she’s drawn. I let my 2.5 year old “help” me with the laundry. I let my 5 year old jump on the bed. We take the girls to an enclosed track where they can ride their bicycles. We go to the playground. I work at my daughter’s preschool once a week. We take the girls to swim class every week and my husband gets into the pool with our younger daughter. I make sure my older daughter gets to soccer practice on time. Even when she’s screaming at me that I brought the wrong snacks. I stay close when either of them is having a meltdown and just needs to cry. Showing this much love is exhausting!!
Even when I’m feeling down about being a parent, looking at this list reminds me that I do care and love my kids. I might even enjoy being a parent sometimes. If I was truly a bad parent, I wouldn’t care so much about being a good parent. I do care that my girls know that they are loved. It is my only wish that after our lives have played themselves out that my girls can look back and have no doubts about the solid fact that they were and are loved unconditionally by their parents.
