Take a Break

When I was struggling the most after my second daughter was born I went to therapy. I’ve done therapy on and off as an adult and I’ve always found it to be really helpful. I like the safety of venting about what’s really on my mind to someone who is completely outside of my life. One of my therapists told me, “depression doesn’t care what your situation is”. Any one can get depressed regardless of their financial or family situation. No matter what stresses or opportunities a person has, they can still feel sad or overwhelmed or anxious. Even dads or a partner who didn’t give birth to their child can get postpartum depression. 

I often feel like I have no business feeling down about my girls. I have a great husband and a house and plenty of food. I even have the luxury of being able to stay home with my children and choosing to work part time. Regardless of all this, parenting is hard. I don’t get to clock out at the end of the day. There are always at least 2 people whom I’m responsible for 24/7. Responsible for feeding, clothing, bathing, keeping safe, and showing unconditional love. As I write this, it sounds like it shouldn’t be that hard. But almost 6 years later I’m fried. My saving grace right now is the school day. I finally have a predictable 3 hours a day, 4 days a week to do what I want to do. It’s usually working on this project or one of my other part-time jobs, but I get to do it without distractions. 

Even with these scheduled breaks, I still feel the need to take a break from my kids most evenings and weekends, they are exhausting and require constant supervision. I encourage them to be creative and play on their own, but it often ends in the two of them ripping each other’s hair out (literally!).

While feeling stressed and tired seem to be part of the parenting package, feeling sad and overly fatigued or even just numb don’t have to be my norm. I can feel the sadness just under the surface most days. It creeps through if I get a little too tired or hungry or if I haven’t exercised in a few days. I have learned that I need to ask for help, from my husband or family or a friend. Or even better, book a babysitter!

Postpartum depression is a component of being a parent for me but it does not define my parenting journey. It has been and will continue to be a challenge to overcome. It takes practice to stop judging myself constantly. It takes planned breaks and self care to keep me from going dark and allowing myself to model being healthy for my girls. I choose to prioritize my mental health for me and for my family. When I’m not feeling sad or mad or numb, I have a chance to be a good parent. 

Finding my way out of the fog means taking care of myself by taking a break. It’s not ignoring my kids and family, just taking a little bit of time each day for me. Most days it’s going for a run alone or going to work out with a friend, or eating a meal by myself without someone climbing on me or asking for me to get them something the second I sit down. Talking with a friend for 5 minutes works really well too! These short breaks from my kids are cherished “me time” and are crucial to the quality of my parenting and my enjoyment of life.