Last week I was laid up with strep throat. I was perfectly fine in the morning and by the late afternoon I was feverish and in pain. I can be a bit of a baby when I’m sick, but this was more than I could gut through.
At no point during this day did I even think about asking for help. All I could think about was how hard it was going to be to go to the school meeting I had to go to that night. Also, how much medicine can I take and still be safe doing my work shift at my daughter’s preschool tomorrow? But with out my asking, my husband volunteered to go to the meeting. I hesitated, because he usually opts to stay home and do bed time with the girls. I did eventually say yes because I couldn’t physically do it. Gold Star to my Husband!!
When he got home from the school meeting he told me that he could do the work shift at the school tomorrow. Whaaaaat? I again hesitated because he has never done a work shift at the school. Not because he doesn’t want to, but someone has to go to work and make money so we can live in the Bay Area. Again, I said yes, because it would have been irresponsible to bring my germs to school. I should also mention that he got up early and made my older daughter’s lunch for her and took her to school so I could sleep. Gold Star 2 and 3!
It is silly that this is such a grand gesture for me. My husband does more than his fair share of the work around the house. He does most of the cleaning, including sweeping and mopping the floors. He does the dishes and loads the washer and dryer. It’s a nice partnership in that regard. But school lunch has been my job, even though our daughter has only been in kindergarten for 6 months.
I continue to feel guilt about letting someone (anyone) take on my responsibilities. Regardless of if it’s something easy like asking my neighbor to go pick up my daughter from school because I’m too sick to stand. Thank you C and G! You’re the best neighbors ever!! I didn’t even think to ask them until 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave to go get my daughter. Why didn’t I think to ask sooner?
Asking for help has always been hard for me. It’s even harder now that I’m a parent. I feel “mommy guilt” all the time about asking someone to help me. I even feel the guilt when I leave the girls with someone who I am paying to watch them. It is also not uncommon for me to hesitate or reject an unsolicited offer to help. I am getting better, but I still need to think it over and remind myself that It’s not a sign of weakness or failure that I get help. It’s a crucial part of surviving as a human and a parent. The words, “It takes a village” are so true! My village has grown large enough now, that I can ask someone to pick up my daughter if I’m going to be 10 minutes late, or I’m sick. I hope they know I would not hesitate to return the favor. Which is another funny part of asking for help. I will always help someone if I’m available and able. I even offer to help from time to time because I understand that we all need help. I don’t expect reciprocity. It just feels good to help.
So, thank you Husband for stepping up when I really needed you! Thank you village for supporting us when I’m down. Thank you to myself for not trying to gut it out and accepting the help that was offered to me.
